Mourning the loss of my cat..

R.I.P. Buzz

Today was a difficult day for my family.... we had to euthanize a beloved family member, our cat Buzz. OK, we didn't HAVE to euthanize him, but he was fading so fast and seemed to be in pain- I felt it better to help him go peacefully verses gasping for every breath. Please bear with me as I use writing as my form of grief therapy:

Background. Buzz became a member of our family on my birthday, a little over 7 years ago. My hubby was deployed and I took our children (2 at that time) to the local Pet Co because they always seemed to have animals there from the humane society. It wasn't my intent to adopt a kitty, we usually went there just to pet the puppies (and kitties if they let us), then be on our way (Cheap way to entertain kids under 3!). Most of the kittens on these visits would run and hide under their cages. Those who didn't would quickly realize their mistake.(2 kids, under 3.. enough said.)

There were no puppies on this particular visit, so we attempted the kittens again. As before, most ran and hide. However, an adorable ball of black, long, fussy fur ran up to us! My daughter scooped him up by his belly, the poor cat dangling upside down at the mercy of a toddler!! She dropped him (gently) down and I thought surely now this kitty will run as others before him. He didn't. He went right back up to her, rubbed his face to her little legs and started purring. I watched in horror and awe as the kids pet him heavily, fearing they would hurt him... but they didn't and he loved the attention. I knew right then that this cat would be the perfect addition to our family. So we adopted him.

We brought the new kitten home a few days later (he had to be neutered, a requirement from the humane society). I pondered what to name this new addition, and both children only in the beginning of their language development were of little help to me. I thought and thought of a good name, easy for the kids to say and was drawing blanks.... until I looked at my son's shirt he wore that day. A Toy Story t-shirt with  Buzz Lightyear on it. I thought.... hmm.. Buzz. Kid's liked the name, they could both say it. Done deal. Welcome home Buzz.

Buzz helped me emotionally through so much, as many pets do for the people in their lives. He always seemed to know when I needed him to jump on my lap, or rub against my leg. He would look at me and give an almost knowing "meow", if I seemed upset- as if to say "it's ok".
When he was young, we even taught him fetch! He would chase the kids around, and let them chase him in return... He would watch over them as they napped. He wasn't just the perfect cat for us, he became our perfect dog, too! He would always come to me when I would call his name and snap my fingers... and every night whenever hubby wasn't home, he would curl up and sleep beside me.

But a couple of weeks ago, Buzz began napping more. Otherwise, he seemed just fine. It's been terribly hot this year, and as we all were kinda lazier due to the weather, concern didn't cross my mind. Then last Wednesday, I noticed him breathing harder, with his mouth open. We ended up at a vet emergency clinic, where we discovered Buzz was in heart failure. Cardiomyopathy to be more precise. He was given oxygen treatment and his lungs were drained of the fluid that was making his breathing so difficult. We went home with some heart meds and water pills. Thursday and Friday Buzz seemed to be recovering, which made me so relieved. I was not ready to let him go! I felt so grateful he didn't die Wednesday night, and I truly hoped and thought he had a good chance at recovery, even tho his long term outlook was bleak (best case scenario, maybe 6 months to a year to live).

Buzz lasted only a few more days.. By Sunday night, blood clots had paralyzed his hind legs, he had no desire to eat or drink, nor had he  "went potty" that whole day. I knew the end was near. He wouldn't/couldn't purr and he couldn't move. I hand fed him some yogurt and scrambled egg (I was trying everything to get something in him). He ate very little, seemed to take too much energy for him.

This morning, Buzz wasn't in his spot. For a moment I thought "oh good, he's better and able to walk again". Unfortunately no. During the night he dragged himself of to a corner in the family room, I believe to die. I walked over to him, he raised his head and said "meow", then laid his head down.. it took all of his remaining strength to say that meow to me... his last "it's ok". He felt so cold, and barely a response to anything I tried.. He began that dreaded rapid breathing and I knew.... today was his last day. I took him to the vet so she could give him that fatal shot, to spare him of the pain from the difficulty breathing and the pain the blood clots where giving him. Had I not took him, he still would of died, but at least I got to spare him some agony...

I can't help but keep thinking of that final meow this morning though.  Even on his death bed, my beloved Buzz was concerned about me being upset, rather than at his own impending death. The way he looked up at me..... the tone of his meow..the fact that he used up his last ounce of energy to give me that final goodbye....

I could write a book on how wonderful Buzz was, and how much I loved him.. I know this post is way off topic from the subject of my blog, but I had to share this.

Do you have a family pet? If you do, do me a favor (and yourself).... give him/her a big hug and kiss and an "I love you".. Do it for every one in your house, not just your pet... because you never know when will be the last time, until it is.